Every moment was running fast, the night would slip into the start of the new day. Lack of time for MYSELF was the change that happened to me when Yuvaan came into my life. Time was no longer my own. Every waking moment revolved around this little bundle of joy. Making a cup of tea for myself came after feeding him, bathing him, dressing him and most difficult of all, getting him to sleep. I would lie if I say that I never felt depressed or struggled with intense thoughts of “what if I just ran away” or “I wish I hadn’t had him”. I didn’t have extra help, may be that’s why it became unbearable sometimes. I felt trapped and suffocated. Everyone told me that motherhood is a beautiful and a joyful journey. But for me it was a whole lot of chaos, sacrifice, noise, mess, missed opportunities, suffering, loss, anxiety, uncertainty, emotional risk.
The pressure of being a ‘Happy perfect mother‘ and enjoying every minute of motherhood had finally taken a toll over me. And then one fine day I decided to step out of this frustration. I couldn’t live like that. I started my blog. And soon it became an outlet to vent out my emotions. I joined instagram and met so many wonderful like- minded mothers who were not ashamed of their shortcomings.
Eventually I started to come out of my shell. I started talking to other moms about their experiences and emotions on ‘Motherhood perfectionism’. I realised that every woman after becoming a mother gets involved in conversation around parenting with intention of being better, being perfect, being the best. We are scared to share our moments of imperfections because it may fill us with shame and guilt.
Also Read: Happiness or being happy is our own ‘CHOICE’
So I decided to unveil realities of my motherhood journey, the mistakes I make, the frustration I feel and the challenges I face. And today I proudly share and talk about motherhood not only as a wonderful thing, but also about stresses and strains associated with it. All my life I thought that I was an independent modern woman who dreamt of being a perfect mother, but little did I know that no mother in this world is perfect and moreover, there is so much satisfaction and happiness in accepting all those imperfections.
Without Yuvaan, I wouldn’t be nearly as happy as I am now. And even though this parenting thing is bloody frustrating and challenging and all that amazing stuff, I honestly couldn’t imagine my life without my boy. I wouldn’t give up what I have now for all the riches in the world.
Also Read: Heartbeat of a Mother: MOTHERHOOD
To all new moms out there, I just want to let you know that it’s okay if sometimes you feel tired, it’s okay if sometimes you need some space, it’s okay if sometimes you need time for yourself. Just remember one thing, you don’t have to be perfect, be REAL, be You.