My dream of becoming a model started when I was a kid. I used to dress up as a model in the school fancy dress competition and since then dressing up was my favourite thing. I did not even know what it meant back then, but I slowly did realize my fascination towards it and boy, fell in love with it. All I ever wanted to be. If anyone asks my classmates what they aspire to be, they would say doctor or engineer but my thought process was clear i.e. a model.
But this dream lost its way when I became an introvert as a girl who was too scared to talk in front of a crowd. A girl who was too shy to walk in front of people who was so scared of being embarrassed that she gave up on her dream. I still remember the day at school when I was asked to do a ramp show which I did but was too conscious and stumbled upon a few steps while ram walking. It made the audience burst into laughter, which of course were school kids and it in turn made me have a breakdown at stage. This incident made me think that the next day I would be a laughing stock of the whole school, which actually did. That incident made a serious hit on my self confidence.
For years, I forgot about modelling and even if I do remember I couldn’t get through that fear that got into me and felt helpless for not able to do anything and let go of my such a favourite thing, i.e., networking, being with people. Be it as simple as being part of my college fashion team. I just couldn’t do it, even though every second of it made me feel like hell. My self-confidence had hit rock bottom and seeing a mere crowd gave me a panic attack because the memory of feeling humiliated was so fresh in my mind that taking one step towards auditioning and trying felt impossible.
By Almighty’s grace, I have some amazing well-wishers and friends, friends who stood for me time and again and have been my support system who tried to motivate me but my fear had taken a tight grip upon my self-confidence and wouldn’t just go. But an incident changed the whole dynamics of my self-confidence which was a boon in disguise, is when at college there was a need for girls who would get their photo-shoot done. I went for it, without overthinking, as I was already back to wall when it came to my self-confidence and there would be no-one around during shoot but the photographer and a team member of the event. After the shoot I thought how wrong I have been to myself by not allowing what I love and did not even try to overcome my fear. I felt like I wasted my time by not trying and if I don’t do anything soon I might loose more time which I did not want. So I got a portfolio shoot done for myself and started auditioning and got rejected many a times, but I took it as learning, as I got to experience the insights what is behind the camera and learn some technicalities.
Then came an event that boosted my morale for real, I went for Times Fresh Face auditions, held at my college, where I went on stage and sang, which, of course was not pleasant to ears, but I tired and in my very first attempt I won Miss Happy Skin and a gift hamper. I was really happy as this was the only morale boost I was longing for. At my second event, I danced and almost fell off the stage but I did something I thought I couldn’t ever do, i.e., perform in front of huge crowd.
I am still trying to become a model by taking small steps at a time. One of them being opening a fashion/ modelling Instagram page. Its just a start and hopefully many more to come and I have a long way ahead of improving myself and defeating my fears.
I wouldn’t say I have achieved much, but the joy of overcoming one’s fear is delightful and for the feeling to go on, I am ready to fight all battle. Bring it on Life..