Like heartbeat has ups and down line…Life is also full of ups and downs and as life lines are running in our life, it means we are alive. Because straight line means we are dead…
Motherhood is also full of ups and downs, twists and turns, struggle and joy, love and hate, happiness and sadness, success and failure as a mother……
We experience lots of highs and anxiety, experience the struggles and lows….
Life becomes like a big crazy roller coaster as soon as we give birth to a child……..
There was a time when we were kids and now we have our own kid and we didn’t read any manual on motherhood. There are many books and articles on babies, toddlers and teenagers but your own experience is always different and unique from them.
As the roller coaster ride begins, our daily morning starts slowly, fills us with anticipation and curiosity, takes us up and then send us flying down only to rise up happily again at the end of the day…
Sometimes we laugh in a day, we cry inside a little and experience lots of emotions beings mother. There are various moments where we want things to stop and take halt….And sometimes we don’t want time to fly…
Here is my version of motherhood with a big crazy ride.
My Journey: Being Mombie(Zombie)
I can’t help but to think back to when I found out I was pregnant. I remember thinking nine months seemed like a long time. Then I realized pregnancy was actually 10 months and felt like I was lied & tricked. But pregnancy really hasn’t been all that bad. Sure, sometimes my feet use to swell the size of watermelon, and the pain in my back, but that’s nothing compared to what I thought it would be. I was glowing with extra pounds. Waiting and dreaming every night how my baby would look like.
There are different pregnancy situation with different people. One should just enjoy with your look with the bump as your baby inside thinks you look beautiful in this world.
No matter how that baby comes out of a woman’s body, it’s a hard work — not just during delivery, but after too. It’s not an easy way out. Giving birth to a human is the most difficult and brave work. It needs lot of patience and brave heart to handle baby inside your tummy and after delivery is the most difficult part. Your entire body changes, your entire YOU change, you yourself don’t know yourself. Just enjoy your period of pregnancy and your period of amazing baby delivery.
My version of baby birth always sums up in these beautiful line….
“In all the silence in the room I heard a sparkling cry of my baby, and I was in all tears that “YES YES” we did it. Doctor asked me that what did I want, and I said BABY GIRL. I still remember her voice saying out aloud to me that your wish has been granted.
Finally, I saw her in my arms. No caption needed, no words can explain that beautiful moment.
This is one of my best moments in life.
A human creation by me……..God’s creation”
One of the most important and complicated versions of life is “BREASTFEEDING”
As soon as I delivered my daughter she went into NICU and was put on food pipes and ventilator, I was no allowed to hold her…
I used to pump whole day with my swollen breasts and all the pains on me and hardly droplets use to come out. My only focus was to give my feed as much as possible so that my daughter can take it from the food pipes and she gets cured & comes back home.
When she came back home after 11days stay in the hospital, our first attempt to breastfeed failed.
I failed!!!!The mother in me failed….
Nurses tried and started shouting on me that you don’t know how to feed your child…
I was very nervous and blamed myself for not having knowledge of how to feed the baby.
The questions and guilt start erupting….
Am I wrong parent to my kid? Will I be good mother?
And so, our journey began by understanding each other….The special bond of mother and child through breastfeeding
Initially she was very reluctant and use to cry whole day and night for food and neglected my feed.
I soaked all the sadness and prepared myself that whatever my kid wants I will do it for her. So, I use to pump 24hrs non stop and then feed her in the bottle.
My gynae helped me and educated me about nipple shield. I used it for 6 months and breastfed my baby without any more pumping. And then there was a day she stopped having milk through shield and accepted my direct breastfeed.
That day was the big achievement for both of us. As we both have won from all the struggles of feeding.
Having so many experiences I have learnt one lesson in life that with patience everything can come on your way. And I applied it in my real life. Not to panic in life and start running in a race to achieve those growth modules written in books and compare your kids with another kid.
First Three Months: Zombie Nights
Those three months were the most zombiest days of my life. I have no clue if I slept also in those months.
We used to sit whole day and night, 24 hrs nonstop, feed after feed, sometimes for several days not combing or seeing myself in mirror. Those nights were long & always tiring but we tried to soak in those moments.
Life as a mother is exhausting, suddenly you are in charge of someone other than yourself and it can be overwhelming a lot of the time. There were bad days and nights but that’s ok, we don’t have to be ok all the time.
Am I Good Mother?
Motherhood is a beautiful bond that will never be replaced, the emotions a mother feels because of a child is uncontrollable.
Every minute I’m away from her, I feel like I’m a bad mom. Is it because I’m a stay at home mom and she’s so attached to me? Or is it because I can’t let go off her?
I spend most of my day with her so if I’m missing for a minute, she’s searching for me. Sometimes it becomes suffocating, I feel like I need some space and wish I could lock the bathroom door but when I do get it that few minutes to myself, as we call it our “ME” time I’m busy thinking about her and want to be with her.
One second, you’re up and next you’re down, most of the time I have no idea what I am doing! Sometimes I’m too exhausted to care and other times I feel like I’m super mom who can do anything. Each day is different and there are more good days than bad. I’m the only person that can solve the problem and I need to deal with it my way!
Sometimes I feel I want to run away from motherhood and then you start thinking what kind of a Bad Mom you are. There is always guilt factor, which runs with you daily. If your child gets hurt or is not eating food today, you always blame it to yourself. It’s all “My Fault”. This guilt to leave your child at home with family and going out for 2-3 hours also makes you kill from inside. What if my child needed me and I ran off for my personal ME time.
Every day as a mom is a roller coaster of emotions of present and past life. I know there are plenty more to come daily.
Also Read: The Untold Dreams of Our Parents
Mom of A Toddler
Being a toddler mom is full of tantrums, screaming and yelling.
There are days when I just want to hide inside washroom and never come out as my daughter is yelling at me 24hrs.
But in these entire 2 years of my journey with my kid I have come in terms with myself and started making myself understand that hiding will not help me or my child out.
Your baby is growing up! You can see that raising them is getting more complicated now, as every day they learn more about the world and how to cope in it.
We tend to focus on tantrums as bad behavior, without considering their emotional content. But responding with adult anger to what we see as misbehavior only makes things worse and misses the question of what is going on inside the child’s mind.
I don’t think that child can understand what’s going on. A parent can only understand the situation and help keeping them calm.
Tantrums typically happen when children are hungry or tired or when there has been some significant change in their routine. And sometimes there’s no clear trigger, which can be a sign that all is not well with them.
Parents feel ashamed in public when their kids are throwing tantrums at them, screaming & yelling at top of their voice. That’s when parents have public pressure and they end up screaming or beating their kids. But eventually parents don’t understand that kids don’t know how to express emotions in words. They are new to this world and they are experiencing new things. They feel like exploring things, which doesn’t make sense to us.
Guys do share your stories and comments and do let me know if my experiences can be of any help to you and your child. I will keep sharing my writings with my readers.
And don’t forget you can’t be perfect, kids can’t be perfect. So, in this imperfect world start finding happiness and enjoy these memories…Trust me it’s not going to ever come back!!!!!!
They would try to understand you one day for sure. Hopefully mine will do one day!!!!!Never leave hopes.
You don’t have to prove you’re right. But yes, do not compromise on safety or health of your kids.
Whenever your child is crying, better hold them up, do so. If they, won’t, stay close to them, even if they won’t let you touch them. They need to know you’re there, and still love them inspite being them upset. Be calm and reassure them. Don’t start fighting with them. Your goal is just to create safety, so they can let all those feelings come up. Once they get a chance to show you their feelings, they will feel better and open up to you about what’s bothering them.
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